This weekend was supposed to be a good one.
I had so many plans set in my head, so many things I wanted to do. But those plans disappeared. Instead, I could feel the sadness start once I talked to him on the phone at work. He was anxious, to be honest I didn’t even think about him getting it as he seemed excited to go. So when I found out, I guess it took away my excitement and replaced it with doubt. I tried to push that away and stay in my excited mood, but the closer I got to the airport, the worse I felt. Then seeing him, without him seeming happy to see me took away everything. Him getting angry at me for wanting to go get food, I was hungry and I ended up feeling bad for being hungry. That’s not right. I knew he was anxious but no matter what I tried to do to help he pushed me away. Sitting on the plane, I tried to place my hand on his knee, yet he shoved it away. So remembering what he told me in previous attacks, I tried to talk to him, as he said it takes his mind off it, but he shut me up and told me “don’t”. I felt worthless. Then to have him talk to the lady sitting on the other side of him, happy as Larry, it hurt. I was upset he chose her over me. I pushed it aside, knowing I didn’t want the weekend to end up being like what happened last time.
Once we landed, and arrived at our hotel everything was back to normal. The excitement kicked in knowing we had made it, and we had the weekend to ourselves. But little did I know what was going to happen the next day.